Godzilla vs Super Telekinetic Make-up Girl!
I just remembered how much Godzilla rocked! It hit me like a bolt of... well... lightning. I just got my new cell phone and let's just say that I am less than enthused with the choice of ring tones. I don't know what dollar store bargain basement bin they dragged these sad little ditties out of but really, some things are better off not discovered.
Like, say Jimmy Hoffa.
Or those last bits of food from Thanksgiving circa 1992, safely ensconced within the patented burp security of your Mom's Tupperware. Why Lord? Why didn't I just toss it?
I suppose in retrospect it would have been a lot cheaper than the whole EPA, CDC and Department of Homeland Security fiasco.
But I digress.
Godzilla, The Mean Green Machine, Destroyer of Tokyo, King of the Monsters, Terror of terrors, The Creature that Ate Raymond Burr!
You get the point.
I loved Godzilla flicks when I was a wee lad, lo these many years ago.
During the Thanksgiving Holiday weekend in New York City they had the monster movie marathons. Thanksgiving day was all King Kong, all the time, with a helping of Mighty Joe Young and Son of Kong thrown in.
Good times to be sure.
But what we waited for was Friday.
The day after, when everyone was still basking the sumptuous afterglow of leftover turkey and gravy, we would plop ourselves in front of the TV for hours watching Godzilla destroy Tokyo again and again and again (and I think he also nipped Nagano, Okinawa and Kyoto, but I need to double check that..)
Godzilla vs The Smog Monster (How do you like that Mister Gore! Godzilla invented Eco mania! He was so ahead of the curve when it comes to global warming.)
Godzilla vs Mecha-Godzilla
Godzilla vs Monster Zero
Godzilla vs Megalon....
I could go on all day. There is something to be said for a guy stuffed into a cheesy green suit and paid to smash toy cars, tanks, planes and buildings.
And the occasional Astronaut. Yes, Godzilla did in fact fight an astronaut. A particularly dashing and rather robust fellow that gave Terror of Tokyo the old what for. Don't believe me? I have proof! (uh... I have proof somewhere. I will fix and get the link up as soon as I do...)
Good times.
Okay. I feel better now that I have waxed nostalgic about Japanese men in rubber suits smashing things. Basically the whole point of the preceding was that I am looking to get either a Godzilla Roar of THX proportions or the theme song from the movies as my ring tone.
Stay tuned.
So what else is going on? Let me tell you...
Wait a second.
THIS IS NOT ANOTHER WOMEN DRIVERS RANT
True it is about a woman and she was, in fact, driving at the time but the same could easily be applied to Circus Clown and the Invisible Man. Really anyone that spends more that 20 minutes putting on makeup before greeting the world.
I will grant you that women, for the most part, are better suited to multi task. I don't know why that is and refuse to speculate on the grounds that I like my appendages where they are (and as I am skirting the line here already with regard to the differences between men and women, I am going to play it safe okay?)
Color me cupcake.
There I was on the Central Florida Greenway, the 417, minding my own business, watching my mirrors, hands precisely located at the ten and two o'clock position, checking my mirrors every five seconds exactly as prescribed by Florida State Law.
Oh yeah. I am all about the driving.
I look at the car in front of me and notice a young lady doing her makeup.
Wow. Certainly no earth shattering event right? I mean everyone does it nowadays. Shaving, tweezing, plucking, pruning, blushing, glossing, brushing and flossing are all now permissible as long as the implements used in their application are Blue Tooth ready.
I drive on, choosing instead to focus on my own sphere of driving responsibility.
Defensive Driving Superstar!
Only exceeding the speed limit when the flow of traffic absolutely leaves me no choice (and whenever there are no State Troopers in view)
I never drive distracted, one hand on the wheel, the other hand flipping though the play list on my iPod Nano looking for that DJ Tiesto track from back in the day and - Hey, I haven't heard Boys II Men and LL in a minute, lets go with that one...
Where was I? Oh yeah, seventy-five in a sixty-five marveling at the feminine ability to telekinetically maneuver through traffic whilst applying a brand new face.
It was like watching a superhero.
Her eyes never left the mirror. Deftly moving from what I can only assume is lip gloss to blush and mascara (that’s the thing that looks like a pipe cleaner they brush the eyelashes with right?) and running the hands – yes I said hands plural – through her hair, teasing it out in that ultra valley girl style.
I spotted the UCF parking sticker.
Who knew that College Co-eds were that talented?
This went on for the better part of twenty minutes. When we exited the highway and stopped at a light she was still going at it. To tell you the truth I don’t even know what was taking her so long. Her face wasn’t really all that big. How much could you fit on the thing?
And so we parted ways, me off to work and she off to fight the good fight against Bad Hair Days or whatever Telekinetic Make-up Superheroes do all day long.
All I want to know is who is the genius that put a mirror on the driver side visor?
Way to go Sparky. Thanks to you insurance rates across the nation have been on the rise ever since.
Signal before changing lanes people.
posted by Billy Martinez @ 8:27 AM
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