On the threshold of Greatness

Holy thin man, Batman! Someone we all know and well, to be perfectly honest, love, has suddenly appeared on the sunny side of 230 lbs.
Oh joy! Oh rapture!
Jiminy Crickets!
Crikey!
(I can use crikey, right?)
That’s right folks, you heard it here first. I have cracked the infamous 230 lbs barrier.
Farewell flabulence!
Hit the road man-boobs!
Like the ancient city of Jericho, the walls have come a tumblin down. Except without the whole Isrealite army and the dudes with the trumpets and those dudes with the drums and also without the whole marching non-stop around the city for seven days and nights. Oh yea, without the whole putting the inhabitants of the city under the sword, men, women, children, the male oxen and the female oxen alike.
Thus saith the...
Ok, so I might go to hell. But I gotta tell you, if I am in fact going, then there are better reasons to condemn me to everlasting damnation that the previous little paragraph.
Heh... I just thought of another one.
But I digress.
It only took 6 weeks of six-day-a-week episodes (and twice on saturday... stamina, it's whats for dinner baby!) on the elliptitread thingamijiggy. I suppose I might have cracked it sooner if I hadn’t slacked on the whole eating healthy part but I am getting better. That and I started to lift weights, which apparently everyone knows (because they all tell me like fifteen times a day) that lifting weights add muscle and muscle, apparently, weighs more that fat.
So I am watching what kind of crap I consume and I am getting better.
I can eat salads and not cry now, so I got that going for me.
But I have a confession to make.
I did have a donut.
Sweet and delicious, fresh and tender.
It was a hottie.
Seriously, I’m not making this up.
It was a Hottie Donut. They have those out here. Kinda like a cross between Dunkin’s and Krispy Kreme.
Crap. Stupid Microsoft.
I just had to add Krispy Kreme to my dictionary. You’d think that they would add some of the more recent additions to the English language like:

assclown (noun)

1. A person who, while under the influence, makes a complete fool of himself while attempting humor.

2. A person who, while making a serious attempt as something, fails to realize what a complete fool he has made of himself.

3. An untalented schmuck.

Examples:

1. That assclown thought he was being funny when he pretended to choke at the party, but everyone thought he was just being foolish.

2. The actor, while in character, made such an assclown of himself during the production that most of the audience started to talk during his monologues.

Ah, the beauty of the internet. I got the above definition from the Urban Dictionary (nee http://www.urbandictionary.com). Did you even realize that such a thing existed? I know, me neither. Well, that makes it official.

We learned something new today.

Cool.