"I'm the ass man, Jerry!"

Ah, I just love Tales from the Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction Deptartment", (or TISTFicD for short), don't you? They make life so much more interesting and they make me wonder where guys like Stephen King get their ideas for their stories.
I liked Seinfeld. The wife hates it but then again, she also hates The Naked Gun and Spaceballs, so that goes to show you what kind of tastes in movies she has. Honestly, I don't know how we ever got married. How could I marry someone that doesn't understand the humor of Mel Brooks and Leslie Nielsen?
But that's another blog.
Did you ever see the episode of Seinfeld where Kramer gets a license plate for his car? He ends up getting a vanity plate that spells out ASSMAN. Needless to say he's mortified. The goofy, yet lovable, Cosmo complains to Jerry that as he drives around the city, people yell at him, "Hey Assman!"
"I'm the Assman Jerry!"
Eventually he figures out that he received the vanity plate of a Proctologist. Nice. A proctologist with a sense of humor. I guess if you hand you hand up the business end of a poop shute all day long, you might need a good sense of humor, n'est-ce pas?
Oui.
You like that? You like the French? Yeah you do. Try this one on for size:

"I'd help you, but I don't like you."
"Je vous aurais bien aide, mais je ne vous aime pas."
(zhe voo zaw - ray bien ai - de may zhe ne voo zaim - e pah)

You can find other great French phrases here.
(That concludes the multicultural portion of this blog...)
Anyway, at first Kramer's freaked when he gets the license plate, but as people start to wave and say hi, he gets into the whole Assman persona.
Color him important.
It was a funny episode and the license plate was a great plot device. But that could never happen in real life right? They have all sorts of strict controls on what gets minted at the local State Penitentiary for public consumption, don't they?
(I'd use the whole n'est-ce pas? thing again but as I mentioned before we have concluded this mornings multicultural session)
Well, despite the best efforts of man and the machines working at the Florida Department of motor vehicles, the assman has been one upped.
I found this at the very best site for internet rumor mongers.
www.Snopes.com

Here is the page that explains the mystery behind the Ass Orgy, License to Thrill. (Oh man, I hope my kids don't read this blog. Imagine having to explain ass orgy to a 6 year old....)

On a side note:
All you yahoos out there that like to inundate your friends email inboxes with tales of highjinks, public stupidity, strange animals, tear jerking tales of children lost at Wal-Mart for six days before they are found in a cardboard box in Pago Pago and proof that the Chupacabra exists need to run your stories by snopes.
It's what a real friend would do.
(And I don't mean it in that creepy 'I'd pee on you if you were stung by a jelly fish and we didn't have any amonia spray handily available' kind of way or in that 'If you and I were trapped in the Himalayas and we needed to consume human flesh to survive, you could eat my ass" kind of way either. I squeezed another butt joke in there. Sorry, couldn't help it.)
They have covered most of the common urban legends that you get in your mail box and, you might be surprised to discover, they actually confirm a few of them. I care about my friends a great deal, so when I get that "Proof that the Chupacabra is really Jennifer Lopez" or "If you don't send this to ten people in the next six seconds your nipples will fall off and sea monkeys will fly out of your anus" (And yes, I got another ass joke in there... BAHZING!) I just pop over to snopes and I invariably find the file on the suspect internet message and poof!
Another urban legend bites the dust.
I want my friends and loved ones to be well informed.
Don't you?
Well. Now you know.
And knowing is half the battle.